Is it true that learning NLP can make you arrogant and narcissistic? ……Well yes, it’s true.
More on that in a moment.
It will be open until January 20th. Remember, if you sign up this week you will get a free one-on-one coaching session with me.
Also, I’ll be going live on both the NLP Gym Facebook Page and Youtube channel January 9th, 10th, and 11th at 12 noon PST to teach you how to learn NLP, which is not something I was taught in any NLP training I’ve taken. I had to figure it out myself. Now you can benefit from what took me years to figure out.
Come to think of it, what I will be teaching live on Monday, January 9th I’ve never taught to anyone, not even my students who have been attending my in-person practitioner training.
I really want to address this issue about arrogance and narcism in NLP because I’ve heard people refer to NLP specifically as arrogance training.
Does NLP training make people arrogant or is it that arrogant people and narcissists are attracted to NLP?
But that doesn’t mean you are arrogant just because you want to learn NLP. Many different types of people are dedicated NLPers and they are quite grounded and don’t have swollen egos.
About a third of all of the NLP trainers and practitioners I’ve met I would put in the arrogant to narcissistic category. NLP sometimes attracts people who want to have an advantage over others because NLP can do exactly that. It’s no surprise then that it would attract people who think they’re better than others.
But this isn’t really any different than martial arts, bodybuilding, or any type of sport.
And also I’ve met plenty of arrogant doctors, lawyers, psychologists, and professors who think they’re smarter than everyone else. Nearly every field and industry in other words, will attract its share of arrogant people.
Arrogance and narcissism is the result of a weak sense of self or another way to put it is an unstable self-concept. Though these types of people may appear to have high self-esteem and a high opinion of themselves it’s actually the opposite. Their arrogance and narcissism is an attempt to prove themselves and to escape the inevitable truth that they are flawed and imperfect just like everyone else.
So how can NLP make people more arrogant and narcissistic?
When people start to get good at NLP and they are able to reprogram their minds, it only seems natural to make the programming perfect, right? But as we learned from the movie The Matrix, there is a greater wisdom within us that knows perfection isn’t real. No matter, the narcissist will persist in trying to make it real.
In The Matrix the robots made the first Matrix perfect. As a result many humans would not accept the program. The Architect of the Matrix blamed our fallen human nature and propensity for imperfection as the cause.
Even though it’s a movie, there’s a lot of truth to it.
When you think about who you are, what do you think about? How do you know who you are before you conceptualize it? In other words, in sensory experience, how do you see and hear who you are?
Is it perfect? Probably not.
A healthy self-concept will have between 5% to 15% imperfections integrated into the database of experience that makes up your self-concept.
The more you learn and practice NLP the more you become conscious of this database. Unfortunately many NLPers, as they get good at NLP, unknowingly and with the best intentions start removing the counter examples from their database of experience.
They do this thinking it will make them a better, stronger, more effective human being, but what it actually does is suppresses their imperfections and makes them believe their past mistakes didn’t happen. This actually weakens their self-concept, which causes them to become unbalanced and the result is that they overcompensate by trying to make their imaginary perfect self real.
They also won’t listen to feedback. Ever try to politely give a narcissist feedback? They will either argue you into the ground or get far away from you.
A person with a strong and healthy self-concept will integrate and accept counter examples in their database. They won’t focus on their mistakes but they know and accept that they happened. They accept that they are not perfect which makes them more open to feedback and open to growing and becoming better at whatever it is they desire. In other words their self-concept is strong, durable, and resilient.
One other thing that can cause arrogance in NLP students is learning from an arrogant and narcissistic teacher and there are plenty (not naming names). We tend to model our teachers and unfortunately NLP students tend to model their arrogant teachers and become arrogant too.
But you don’t have to.
Now that you’re aware of what I’m pointing out here, you can avoid these pitfalls.